Breaking up Is Hard to Do

My field has produced some promising-sounding job postings so far this year. Open specialization? I can do that! Twentieth-century specialization? I can do that. Nineteenth-century specialization? I could do that but I'd slit my wrists after a couple of years of it, so I won't apply. And so far this year, I think that there have been more jobs posted than in the past two years combined. I'm on the market, technically, so I should be happy, yes?

Well, I'm not.

All of these job postings are for jobs in the States. "Move back," you say. "It's not as easy as that," I respond. "You can bring your spouse," you say. "Well, no, actually, I can't," I answer.

What's a legal marriage and grounds for immigration in Canada, isn't legal or grounds for immigration in the US, which means that Ptichka would need to immigrate as a skilled worker and with the US economy tanking the way it is and with her skill set, although it's impressive, that, my friends, would be difficult. Throw into the mix the fact that both of us simply like Canada better because only Alberta is really scary and moving back to the US for some job is no longer a viable option.

So, I'm breaking up with the academy, which is kind of killing me. On the one hand, I'm excited by the prospect of having a 9-to-5 job. I'm excited by not being expected to be my work. I'm excited by not having to follow jobs around the world. On the other hand, I'm sad that I've trained for a particular job and won't be able to continue on. I'm sad that one half of my dissertation will never become a book. I'm sad that I've spent all but six years of my life in school and won't have much to show for it besides a fancy-pants title.

Although I'm happy because leaving the academy would appear to give me more control over my life, I'm also sad because I really wanted to be with the academy and that's just not going to happen. Sigh.

And now comes the hard part, what the hell do I want to do with the rest of my life? I'm looking into project management, training, teaching ESL, and editing at the moment. I suppose that I should now break into "Que sera." I do believe that whatever will be, will be, I just don't like not knowing.


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