I had contemplated writing a review of Troy because I need to get back in the reviewing mood and I miss all of those hits that were a result of searching for "28 Days Later" and "Laocoon" but I decided against it. Most of what needs to be said about the film has been said. For the record:

1. I didn't mind the abolition of the gods and the up-dated politics in it. Seeing how things, to use the Czech Structuralist term, are actualized, i.e. made relevant again, is half the fun of adaptations.
2. I can't decide if Brad Pitt is a poor actor or if he's simply too much of a movie star to be an actor (Michael Quinn has an article somewhere about the semiotics of movie stars vs. actors. It's fun.). Either way, his Achilles sucked, especially when he spouted all of those immortality-related lines.
3. Orlando Bloom was clean shaven and skirted throughout the entire movie. This made me happy.
4. Eric Bana, on the other hand, looks better with a beard.
5. There should be a moratorium on female Bulgarian singers adding ethnic touches to movie soundtracks.
6. Josh Groban should be kept away from recording studios for the rest of my life.
7. Whoever wrote the words to the song that played over the closing credits should not be allowed to write anything other than a grocery list again.
8. In fact, extra diagetic music sucks. Period.
9. I'm still pissed that the Trojans lost.

In conclusion, I had expected a bad movie but a watchable bad movie. I was not expecting a movie that had me wondering why I had not rented Dodgeball instead. As I fast-forwarded through the difficult-to-stomach bits, however, I did wonder why I hadn't rented Dodgeball instead. So, I rented Dodgeball and will tell you tomorrow why I hadn't rented it in the first place.

I also have Pandaemonium in my possession but I'm not really in the mood to see something about which I need to think. -Zh.


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